Well, after praying about it a lot Chris and I decided that the best course of action for us to take regarding my medication is to change it! So I put a call into my neurologist and set an appointment to speak with him about changing my medication. At first they told me he didn't have any appointments available until June because he was on vacation for two months!! HELLO! Must be nice to be able to drop everything and go on vacation for two months! I asked if I could possibly see another doctor within the practice and I was informed that this was in fact not possible because they have a "policy". Whatever. So I scheduled my appointment for June and they told me they would have my doctor call me to discuss my reasons for wanting to change. To my shock, I received a call the same afternoon (not from my doctor but I wasn't getting my hopes up about that anyway) letting me know that the doctor had "cleared a spot in his schedule" (yeah, right) on Friday and would like to meet with me. So I now have an appointment with my neurologist for Friday afternoon to discuss options.
Again, I am not getting my hopes up for fear of disappointment as I have had this appointment two times before and he has told me that "while there are noted side effects to my medication, it is still working to combat my seizures so let's just continue with the same medication for now."
I restrained myself from saying "What do you mean "let's?? There is no US in this scenario, BUDDY! There is just ME suffering with the side effects every day for the last 3 and half years. The only US here is my family suffering along with me!!"
Do you sense my irritation with my neurologist?! I will contain my anger by Friday when I go and see him, even when he tells me that I have to remain on my current medication. And then I will inform him that I will be looking for another neurologist - one who is interested in my quality of life as well as combating my seizures.
I know this means I won't be able to drive for three months but I am hoping to start a new medication while the kids are on summer break and I don't have to drive them back and forth to school. At least this time we will have warm weather during the no driving period so the kids can play outside. Last time it was during the winter and we were trapped indoors!
The bottom line is that I am tired of being a different person than I was 4 years ago. I don't even remember who that person was and worry that I won't be able to find her again. I am tired of my kids having to live with a depressed, irritable, anxiety ridden mom instead of the mom they were supposed to have. I want Chris to be able to stop worrying about me and know that I am ok.
Please keep us in your prayers on Friday afternoon as we speak with the doctor and hopefully find a better medication.
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