I knew this day was coming and I have been thinking of the right words to say to properly convey what we are all feeling. As Jenny recently said, I know we've all been thinking, "this time last year..." Those memories are difficult to relive. I have been over and over them in my mind as the dates that marked their place continue to pass by.
"This time last year was the last time we went out with Craig..."
"This time last year was the last time the kids visited with Craig..."
"This time last year was the last time I saw Craig..."
We all miss Craig. His laugh. His smile. His love for people. His love for the Lord.
However, as Craig's friend, Marcus, said at his memorial service almost a year ago, we do not mourn for Craig. Craig is now where he belongs. He is at home in the presence of Jesus. He is no longer plagued by the trials and pains of this world. He lives in a place with no sin. No misery. No sadness. I know there are so many times over the past year that I have thought, "I wonder what Craig is experiencing right now..." I can't even begin to imagine but it makes me smile every time I think of it!
God has been so amazingly gracious to our family over the past year. I have seen growth in each of our lives as we rely on Jesus for our strength. I have seen Ashlyn and Landon gain a greater understanding of how God uses the pain and suffering in this life for a purpose. God knows our pain. And God is always showing us that He knows our needs and He will supply them all.
We just got an awesome example of Him supplying our every need in the form of an unexpected gift. I will let Jenny describe to you what happened in her own words...
April 29, 2013
"The event I am going to describe sounds like something from a movie. If someone told me this, I’d probably think they were being dramatic or something. You can think whatever you want. This is what happened and I am still amazed at the wonderful gift.
I am not working today and tomorrow. I wouldn’t get much work done anyway, so this way I don’t feel guilty about not working. Today is a cleaning day. We are doing the spring cleaning we never got done last year. I also decided that today I would take Craig’s remaining electric guitar to Skip’s Music to sell. It has sat in the guest closet long enough! Elease can use the money.
Hal and I got the guitar case out to load in the car. We are keeping Craig’s acoustic guitar and I’m not guitar-savy enough to know which case is which. I opened the first one and it was the electric guitar we are selling today. I shut the case so Hal could load it, but Hal (being a neat-freak) said – did you check the pocket for junk and you should take those papers out that are crumpled under the guitar.
So we went through and took the junk out. I grabbed the papers without looking at them and handed them to Hal to toss and then on second thought, I decided I wanted to know what song Craig was playing last with that guitar. I was expecting a typical chord sheet for one of the many praise and worship songs that Craig loved.
To my shock I found in Craig’s handwriting a song that he wrote to us – his family – several years ago. Hal and I stood there bawling. What a precious, personal, beautiful gift! I guess any day that we found it would have been special, but to find it today – right at the one year anniversary of his homegoing - was really special. And to think – it was there in our guest room closet all year long. And to think – I almost sent it off to Skip’s Music!
This writing was before Craig met Elease but she has personal writings from Craig and I’ve always been so happy for her. I have the memory of the very last sentence Craig said to me. I was on duty that night and got up to give him meds and take care of his needs. He very softly stroked my arm and whispered “Mom, you are good.” I was only doing what any mother would do for a child (of any age) who is totally helpless. But I cherish that sentence. And now Hal and Chris and Stephanie and I have a wonderful expression of love and admiration from Craig.
Thank You Lord for this gift. With Your help we would have gotten through tomorrow just like we have gotten through the past 364 days, but how awesome that You orchestrated us finding that song today! Thank You for caring about all the little details of our lives!
In addition to the song to us, there was another song that Craig wrote. Here is some of it:
By Your grace alone I can serve below
And it’s Your love that holds and carries me
It’s by Your strength that I can change
To be the child You made, so I can live my life for You.
If we could only live a life to show the lost Your light,
Then they would know about Your Son.
He came to die alone. For sin He did atone.
To bring us back close to You."
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