Confused, I asked what she meant by that and she explained that most of her friends are afraid of their moms. "I don't get why they are like that 'cause we are pretty much like friends" she said.
I had never really thought about that aspect of our relationship or categorized it that way before. I explained to her that I think we have a really good relationship. Most of the time she is very respectful and honoring to both Chris and me. She and I can laugh and joke together and also have deep and honest conversations about life. However, I also told her that while we are friends that doesn't mean that I won't tell her when I think she is doing something that is harmful or detrimental or discipline her when needed.
Now, I know I have heard many parents use the phrase, "I'm not your friend, I'm your parent." While I get their point I'm not sure that I agree. I'm a firm believer that kids need to respect their parents but that doesn't mean they have to shake with fear that they will do or say the wrong thing. I don't want to be the kind of parent who is known for instilling fear in their kids in order to get their way.
Don't get me wrong, my kids aren't perfect and I don't expect them to be. They are going to make mistakes in life. Just like me because I'm pretty sure I fail at parenting all the time. Parenting big kids is HARD. Like, beyond the hardest thing I've ever done in my entire life. But you know what - God extends grace to me when I screw up. Every. Single. Time. If a loving heavenly Father can extend grace to me when I screw up, shouldn't I learn from His example and do the same?
At times parenting is like reliving your childhood with all the heartaches, pains and triumphs that you felt the first time around, only this time you are helping someone you love more than anything navigate through it. There are some different struggles and there are times when I don't have the first clue as to how to help them. I have found that listening to them is frequently all they need. I don't always have to try to "fix" things or even give them advice. They just want to know that they are seen and heard and that someone cares about even the littlest details of their lives.
I want my kids to feel like they can come to me with anything. I don't ever want them to cower in fear or hide things because they are afraid of how I am going to react. This becomes even more important as they get older because they will eventually get into trouble. We will have to discipline them. But that doesn't mean that we have to scream at them when they make mistakes or make them feel stupid or small. Sometimes they don't even need us to give them consequences because the best thing is allowing them to deal with the natural consequences that come from making bad decisions.
I love my kids. They are amazing in so many ways. There are so many times when I look at them and just think, I am so thankful that God gave me you. They make me proud. That doesn't mean that I don't have times where I am frustrated, completely overwhelmed or angry at some of the things that they do. I have been disappointed by the way they have treated people. I have been angry when they flat out lied to my face. I have been saddened by the way that they have spoken to me. Honestly, sometimes I felt like they just needed a good kick in the butt. But as I have told my kids many times, and I am sure I will tell them many more, I may not always like the choices that they make but I will ALWAYS love them. There is nothing they can do to make me love them more or make me love them less. I want them to carry that fact with them throughout their life so that they know, without a doubt, that their mom loves them.
I have so many hopes and dreams for my kids. I want my kids to be strong and kind. I want them to find their confidence in the Lord and who He created them to be. I want them to be slow to anger and quick to extend grace. I want them to overcome hate with love. I want them to be honest. I want them to be humble and apologize when necessary. So many times all it takes is for me to extend those behaviors towards them or demonstrate them in my every day life for them to see how they can live them out in their own lives.
I don't think I will ever have a more influential or important position in my life than being a mom.
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