crickets...

Things have been pretty quiet around here.

A little too quiet.

Seven days ago Chris left for Florida on a business trip.  I'll be totally honest here and say that I had a really hard time with him leaving.  Like, crying every day for almost five days before he left, anxiety, insomnia and rapid heartbeat, "hard time".

It's not normal for me to react that way.  In fact, I don't think I have felt that way since I had postpartum depression after having Landon.  Chris would leave for work and I would have panic attacks and just cry.  It got so bad that he had to have people come stay with me during the day while he was gone.

I don't know what it was about this trip that had me freaking out.  Normally, I would just set my mind on the task at hand and get it done.  His trip was originally supposed to be fifteen days and I was definitely thankful that it had been cut down to nine.  For some reason, everything about this trip seemed overwhelming.  The thought of tackling homework by myself, no adult conversation for over a week, and (gulp) having to cook dinner for nine days was too much for me to handle when I thought about it.

I greatly appreciate my husband.  He does so much for our family.  Believe me, the fact that he makes dinner every night out of his sheer love of cooking is amazing on its own.  I admit that I am spoiled in that way.  Trust me, I am grateful.

But Chris does so much more for our family.  He patiently sits with Landon and helps him with his math homework.  He offers to run out to the store any time we need something.  Not only that but Chris is such a huge support for me.  He is my best friend.  I can go to him with anything, at any time, and he will listen.  He doesn't try to "fix it"  but he will listen and hold me and hug me until I am done talking. He loves me when I am ugly, self-involved and probably not a whole lot of fun to be around.

I miss him.  A lot.

With all that being said, I think the real reason that I was freaking out so badly was that I was afraid of being lonely.  There were some other circumstances in my life that I was dealing with and on top of those things, Chris was leaving…and I was going to be... all alone.

I am sure that satan would like me to believe the lie that I really am alone.  That I have no one to talk to.  That no one cares.

But I am not alone.

So during the nights that I couldn't sleep, I prayed.  During the day when I couldn't handle the impending loneliness I read my Bible and realized what I already knew…God hasn't left me just because I feel lonely.  He is always there.  He never leaves.  How many times have I read Joshua 1:9 where it says,

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous.  Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."  

God is my refuge.  He provides for all of my needs.  He sees my heart and knows when I am hurting.  He cares.  And when I cry out to Him, He listens.

I am the one who answers your prayers and cares for you.  Hosea 14:8

That is such a huge relief.

The God who created the universe cares about the fact that I feel lonely sometimes.  He forgives me when I don't trust Him.  He loves me even though I constantly fail.  He never fails to extends grace.

I know I am not the only one who struggles with loneliness.  But when you feel lonely remind yourself that you are not alone.  Sometimes being lonely isn't necessarily a bad thing.  It is when I am at my lowest that I see my need to turn to God.  He alone can rescue me.  He alone can heal me from all of the pain.  He can do the same for you.
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I leave you with our week while Chris has been gone…

After finishing out the school week we hit the movies with some friends on Friday night.  We had already seen Frozen but since Ashlyn and Landon have been "walking-Frozen-soundtracks" for the last month they had no problem seeing it again.

Saturday morning we slept in, met my cousin's new baby and played at the park.

Sunday morning we went to church and then I took Ashlyn and Landon out to lunch.  At lunch I told the kids that we could campout in the living room that night.  They may have been a little excited for the "party"…

We went to another park that afternoon, ran into some friends, and were there long after dark.

After the park we got a movie from RedBox and settled down for our campout…

The kids had an in-service day on Monday so we took that free day as an opportunity to visit Dominic in Santa Cruz!

This is Dominic spitting sunflower seed shells at the kids...

So far it has been a good week.

And if you're reading this, Chris, it's not the same without you.  I love you and I miss you and I can't wait to see you walk through that door.