Read part 2 here
Read part 3 here
(beach day with Chris' family, 1998)
Habitually an
over-thinker, I laid awake the next few nights thinking about what Chris had
said. Am I really with the guy that I’m supposed to marry? This was the exact reason we had broken up
the last time…why did I get back into this relationship in the first place?! What was I going to do now…?
A few days later Chris called me and invited me to attend the
annual Cal vs. Stanford “Big Game” with him and his family. I desperately wanted to go. I wanted to see Chris again. It had been three months since I had last
seen him and despite the fact that we hardly knew each other, I missed
him.
(Quartet Convention, 1999)
I regretfully told Chris that I couldn’t go to the game with
him because I still had a boyfriend. It
just wouldn’t be right for me to go out with someone else while I was still dating him. A large part of me feared that
Chris would get tired of waiting for me to make a decision. I could hear the
disappointment in his voice as he told me that he understood why I couldn’t
attend. Before I knew it, with a pit
forming in my stomach, I found myself saying, “hey…don’t give up...”
That overwhelming fear of losing something…losing someone
that I didn’t actually have in the first place finally made me realize what I
had known all along: I was not with the
guy that I was truly supposed to be with.
There was someone else meant for me and I couldn’t let him slip away.
(exhausted from wedding preparations, seven days before the big day)
That realization gave me the courage to break-up with my boyfriend. It wasn’t easy and it didn’t go well. If I am being completely honest, it actually
got pretty scary. All of that was made
worth it when I dialed the phone number of the last guy I would ever date. That Saturday night, as I waited for Chris to answer the phone, the burden that I didn’t
realize had been weighing on me was finally gone.
Chris: “Hello?”
Me: “It’s over.
I broke up with him...” Check back in tomorrow for the conclusion to our story!
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