I am very blessed. As many of you know I was diagnosed with a mild form of epilepsy after Landon was born three years ago. Now this doesn't necessarily seem like a reason to seem blessed but I will get to that. Now, I knew that something was going on and that it had been happening on and off for 2 years prior to my diagnosis but I wasn't sure what it was. It was a very trying time for me and my family as we first tried to figure out what was wrong and then had to find a medication that worked to combat the seizures I was having. After one failed attempt at a medication we found one that worked. I have been seizure free for 2 years, 9 months and 14 days (but who's counting?!) I praise God for all that He has done and for giving me a seizure free life.
While waiting for the new medication to take effect I was unable to drive for 5 months so as not to endanger myself or those around me. This was extremely difficult especially since this happened to fall during the coldest months of the year, from November 5th to April 5th. At the time I had a 2 year old and a newborn who were not thrilled with being trapped inside day after day. But again God provided with friends who took us on outings or took the Ashlyn for short day trips for a change of scenery.
I am thankful to know that I have a God who knows my every need. Even when things happen that are not part of our plan for our life it is comforting to know that God knew all along and that it was ultimately in His plan.
Isaiah 55:8-9 "For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways, " declares the LORD,
"For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways
And My thoughts than your thoughts.
Recently, I have fallen back on this for comfort. The medication that I am taking to combat the seizures causes some side effects that I have felt the effects of for the last three years. The neurologist believes them to be tolerable because the medication is keeping the seizures at bay. This is easy to say when you are not the one who has to take the medication or deal with the side effects. There are times when I agree and times when I don't. The side effects can be mild and I have found some creative ways to deal with them but mainly the medication has made me someone I am not. It has made me irritable, angry, a recluse from most social circles and at times depressed. It feels like no one understands when I explain what I am feeling and who I have become. Not my neurologist, not my general practitioner, no one. I feel as thought I am crying out "This is NOT WHO I AM!!" and no one can hear me.
I am choosing to be encouraged though. I can't praise God in good times only and not praise Him in the tough times. I know my Heavenly Father knows what I am going through and that He hears me when I call on Him. He allowed this to happen for a reason and desires for this to draw me closer to Him. If that is what this is for then it is all worth it.
I thought it was fitting to add a new song to my playlist because I think it speaks to this season of my life. It is called "Call on Jesus" by Nicole C. Mullen. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!
1 Peter 5:7 cast all your cares on Him for He cares for you.
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